“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger …” James 1:19 (ESV)
In a marriage, there is often a checklist, a recipe, a template of how we want the other person to behave. We may have even selected our spouse because of these specific traits.
When my husband acts out of character, I could react with kindness, empathy, patience and understanding, Biblical love. But, often what happens instead of 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 type love, is an internal dialogue that goes something like, “what is the matter with him today? Why isn’t he behaving the way I expect him to? Maybe he isn’t aware that he’s acting like__”.
In marriage, we think the other person might want to know they are making a mistake. We think our spouse needs an awareness that they seem anxious, distant, depressed, not quite themselves. In these moments, I can choose grace or grumbling.
As a follower of Christ, I’d love to say that my grace tank is always full and the times I do respond in irritation are few and far between. But, in truth, my grace margin Is often narrower than it could be. When my quota of grace is surpassed, a comment or question like: “you doing ok today?” (aka: what is wrong with you?), comes out unfiltered. In these moments, I need more of God’s grace.
God KNOWS us, He MADE us, we are the way we are on purpose. To think that we know better about how our spouse should be thinking, speaking, acting, feeling, is not our job. If the other person does something clearly hurtful, yes, point out (with love) the offending action. But, if the other person is just being themselves, let them be. Let.Them. Be.
It is not MY job to create my husband into MY image of a perfect spouse. It is not MY job to refine them into God’s image. It is my job to accept him.
Lord, help me be not only slow to speak and slow to anger, but also slow to feel irritated. Let my grace margin be wide. Let me see my spouse as you see him. Give me discernment to know when a word or behavior needs attention and when the person just needs grace. If I must speak, let me speak first to You.