When children are young, we, as mothers, do everything. We fix meals, arrange play dates, schedule doctor visits, research preschools, coordinate carpools, read stories, clean laundry, mend wounds, medicate illnesses, and on and on. As children grow older, the duties don’t stop, but the job description changes a little bit. We monitor homework, wash uniforms, perform taxi services, watch sporting events, provide travel opportunities, and pay every kind of fee known to man.
As my boys have gotten closer to adulthood, my role has decreased even more, as it should. While I was once the tour guide responsible for every aspect of their trip, twenty years into parenting, they are now planning their own adventures and seeing the world without me.
My son, a 20-yr old Marine, got married a few months ago (yes, married at 20, that’s a whole other set of blog posts!). He and his new wife have been on a waiting list for married base housing, and therefore, have been living in separate states since the ceremony. But, in less than a week, they will be traveling 2000 miles by car to move her and her belongings to where he is currently stationed.
It took me by surprise when my son described which route they were going to take (which was different from what Google Maps claimed as the quickest option). When I pointed this out (as all good former tour guides should), he indicated that he wanted to take a more interesting path and already had hotel reservations along the way. How did this happen? When did I become a postcard recipient on his life journey?
His younger brother turned 18 today and will graduate in about four months. I’m not quite done being his tour guide yet. We still have a lot of preparation between now and then in order for him to be an independent traveler. And by independent, I mean, not only will he determine his path, but he will not be utilizing the MOM ATM at every pit stop.
I look back on my mothering journey and remember the days when my to-do list felt exhausting, and I longed for them to be more independent. Along the way, they have had periods of time, where they resisted the parenting I wanted to provide. They had their share of ignoring any travel advice I offered, assuming they knew the best route for their lives.
Slowly though, especially in my oldest, I do see that I am becoming less like a tour guide and more like TripAdvisor. He will call to check in with me, to get advice and seek my recommendations, but I know I am ultimately not responsible for his decisions. He determines where he’s going, who he travels with, and what route they will take.
It has been hard to let go of the role of tour guide and just accept the occasional postcards, but I know that’s what is best for them (and for me). This transition is what parenting is supposed to look like.
I’m excited to start planning some trips for two (my husband and I have already created a wishlist). But I will always be ready to answer the requests for travel advice whenever they ask!