Recently, my husband and I visited the Grand Canyon for the first time. Upon arriving, I walked to the canyon’s edge and saw….lots and lots of brown rock.
During the 2.5-hour drive to the canyon, I had prepared myself to be overwhelmed by God’s majestic creation and feel His divine presence. With expectations of a spiritual experience, I had exited the motor coach, clutching my phone, ready to capture my first breathtaking views.
Objectively, I could appreciate that this topography was unique and pretty in its own way, but what was missing from my Grand Canyon experience was God. I had expected to feel His presence in the beauty of His creation. But, I didn’t.
Maybe it was too many people? Or too much heat? Maybe canyons and brown rocks don’t speak creator of the universe, to me? It wasn’t that the canyons themselves were disappointing, but, my reaction was. I wondered what was wrong with me?
After my initial disappointment faded, I realized my reaction was ok, it just reflected that people find God in different places, and in different ways.
For me, I always feel God’s presence at the ocean, every single visit. The vastness and the power are overwhelming. A sense of peace and calm wash over me, and I’m reminded of the Biblical references to the Living Water.
Every person’s walk with God will be different. He meets us where we are and speaks to each of us in unique and personal ways. For some it might be in nature, while for others it might be in song, art, or stories. You never know what will be the conduit through which God speaks.
As a new writer, I am guilty of comparing myself to authors I’ve looked up to for decades. People with followings in the six to seven digit range. In doing so, I end up discouraged and disheartened, wondering if I should continue writing. But, my experience at the Grand Canyon taught me that I shouldn’t engage in this habit.
My writing may be the equivalent of a small neighborhood creek compared to someone else’s ocean, but that doesn’t make my message any less important. Many people find solace and comfort standing alongside a babbling brook. And with time, maybe my stream will become something larger. As long as God continues to give me a message, I will continue to obey and put the words on paper for others to read.
Whenever we are tempted to compare our brook to someone else’s ocean, just remember that God sees and loves them both.
When I came upon this insect’s situation, I couldn’t help but stop and stare (and, of course, take a picture). At first, I thought I was witnessing a bug-eat-bug situation. But, my son, upon seeing this picture, informed me it was actually a cicada shedding its skin. Seeking to confirm his explanation, I googled the phenomena.
The annual cicada, which is green, compared to the brown, longer living cicada, emerges in July and August. The cicada sheds its exoskeleton when it enters adulthood, usually done while hanging vertically on a tree or bush.
Many writers have referenced the cicada’s transformation as being similar to the maturation process of humans. Unlike the butterfly process, humans do not go into a cocoon and emerge as something completely different, but rather, over time, we hopefully, become better versions of ourselves. Our key Bible verse speaks to something similar:
Ephesians 4:22-24 to take offyour former way of life, the old self that is corrupted by deceitful desires, to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, the one createdaccording to God’s likeness in righteousness and purity of the truth.
What the Ephesians verse mentions, but I often gloss over, is we are to put on the new self. It isn’t just that the old life is shed and underneath we are the new and improved versions of ourselves.
How I wish it was that easy! I long to be rid of all my sin patterns, like shedding my coat when I walk in the door. Paul discusses this in Romans 7:15 as well: “For I do not understand what I am doing, because I do not practice what I want to do, but do what I hate” Our transformation is not a one-and-done, it is a process, a daily surrendering of old unhealthy patterns.
The verses just prior to our key verse In Ephesians link this transformation of self to the hearing about and teaching of Jesus as truth. We have to constantly renew our commitment to the truth, putting on the new self which bears God’s likeness, releasing our hold on the old. It is a constant renewing of our minds and spirits that leads us to bear God’s likeness.
The cicada I encountered was lying on the ground and appeared to be trapped under the weight of its former “skin”. The cicada either by accident or choice was still hanging on to part of his former self. Which from an outsider’s perspective seemed odd- it was ugly and obviously weighing him down. He was trapped underneath it and not able to live his newly transformed life. Why would he choose to do that? Why wouldn’t he just let it go? I could ask the same of myself, do I need to let go of something I’m hanging onto so that I can live a transformed life?
I have listened to audiobooks during my commute since I started traveling for work in 1997. A couple of years ago, the main character in one book was a young adult on the Autism spectrum. As a school psychologist, I have observed and evaluated many children on the spectrum. But, this was really the first time I heard a story from the first-person perspective, to hear the thoughts and see the behaviors of an adult on the spectrum.
The character was very high functioning, but was still experiencing unique struggles. As I listened to the book, there were so many things I could relate to. It was a lightbulb moment for me, and I began researching “adult women on the spectrum”. As I read, much of it had me saying, “that sounds just like me”.
While I haven’t been formally diagnosed, nor do I think I ever will, this insight into my personality gives me a certain sense of relief. I’ve always wondered why I felt so seemingly different from others. I always put labels (usually negative) on my thoughts and behaviors, such as: selfish, anti-social, anxious, awkward, unlikable, critical, rigid. The list goes on, but as you can see, it wasn’t a list of positive attributes.
While having this realization doesn’t change who I am, it has allowed me to offer grace to myself. For example, I struggle being around groups of people. Honestly, I find it exhausting. I become anxious even having to introduce myself to a group of 10 people. Attending events where there will be crowds is overwhelming. In those situations, I feel the need to act and speak a certain way, in a sense, I become a character or persona that I think is appropriate for the situation. I’ve learned, through research, this is called masking. I’ve probably been doing this my whole life, but as I’ve gotten older, it has become more taxing, and I find myself seeking situations and environments where that is required less and less.
To some extent, I even do it around my closest friends and family, even my spouse and children. I can become desperate for time alone, to have the freedom to be just me and not someone else’s someone. I used to feel horribly selfish when I wanted time alone. But now I know, It is then that the “mask” comes off, and I can truly relax. I need this time in order to be a better version of myself when I do have to be around others.
My other strong tendency is to want to control everything about a situation or experience. I always thought it was a result of being an only child and wanting things the way I want them, when I want them. But, upon further introspection, I act/feel this way because the unknowns make me very anxious. For example, when going to a restaurant, I need to know how long is the drive, what will the interior look like, how close will I have to sit to other people, will a booth be available, what is on the menu, etc. These kinds of thoughts and behaviors can seem off-putting to those around me. And even create conflict if that person isn’t aware of the underlying motivation for my questions and anxiousness. I’ve learned that if I do the research ahead of time, look at pictures of the restaurant, read the menu, I am more able to relax.
As it becomes more common for adults to seek diagnoses such as ADHD, anxiety, and Autism spectrum disorders, I hope we can change how we “label” others. Instead of the adjectives I used to use to describe myself (selfish, anti-social, rigid), maybe we can see each other through the lens of grace and understanding. That maybe everyone is “masking” something in their life and he/she just needs a little more compassion.
For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things. (Psalm 107:9)
Like many people, I began 2022 with a resolution to lose weight and be healthier from the inside out. I prayed, I researched, and settled on The Daniel Plan. Not the fast, but the 30- day meal plan. My husband joined me, and together we read our chapters, made goals, logged our food and waited. By Day 6, my morning devotion/journal entry started with: “I am already struggling…a lot. I want easy, fun food. I don’t want the boring, healthy stuff.”
Why did the world have to make “things” that aren’t really food taste so good? Was there a shortage of actual food, so that’s why people began creating food-like substances? I don’t understand why we have entire stores filled with food that isn’t actually food. The Daniel Plan book has a quote about shopping: If it was grown on a plant, eat it. If it was made in a plant, leave it on the shelf.
I realized that my previous relationship with food was to eat what I wanted rather than what I needed. There are so many things we “feed” our bodies that are based on want rather than need. I asked God to take the want of what is unhealthy away from me and replace it with only the desire for what is good and what is actually beneficial to me.
I’d love to say that while doing the Daniel Plan, I lost a lot of weight and no longer struggle with my relationship with food, but I can’t say that. What I can report is that the plan forced me to confront my thought process about food. I began to really think about whether something was actually nutrition, versus just food-like substances that were primarily preservatives/chemicals.
I also went back to my daily morning prayer time. I had become lax in this decades-long practice in the previous six months or so. As I spent more time in the Word, I became stronger in my resolve to take better care of myself. I’m far from perfect, but, I am, definitely, depending more on pure nourishment- Biblically and nutritionally, these days.
Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst.” (John 6:35)
“I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.” (Psalm 139:14).
I’ve heard that verse so many times, but when I read the word “works” I always thought big – like creation of the earth and all its wonders – big. I don’t put myself in that category, but I am one of God’s works.
Throughout my life, I’ve held the opinion that the mistakes I’ve made result in me being a worse version of myself than the original, perfect creation that I was in the womb. I’ve thought that If I’d made different (better) life choices, then I would be better, and I would more closely resemble the person God originally created. But, that isn’t true. God has allowed or even given me certain life circumstances to continue to shape me since birth. It wasn’t a one and done. It has been and will continue to be a constant refining of character, not a deterioration of self, if I am submitting my life to Him.
I am my own worst critic, comparing myself to others who I perceive as more – more loving, more kind, more patient, more spiritual. A better listener, friend, spouse, parent, servant. You name it, I can find someone who does it better than I do. But, what if, instead, I focused on what God designed me to do? What if I used the gifts he gave me to serve Him? I don’t have some of the gifts that He gave to other people. But that doesn’t mean I am flawed. I need to accept AND celebrate how and who He made me to be.
If I accepted this truth, I could stop feeling bad about all the ways that I am different from the people around me. I could stop thinking that if only I was like______, I would be more_______. God made me. Period. End of story. All that God made is marvelous. This includes me and all those I love (and even those I don’t).
Father, help me accept God’s creations without criticism. Let me celebrate the gifts each one brings. That includes me. Just as I am. Today. Not with all the stipulations I always put on myself or the list of changes/upgrades I think I need. I am a marvelous work. Let me know that is true, right down to my soul.
Jeremiah 1:5, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; Before you were born I sanctified you; I ordained you a prophet to the nations.”
